Exactly one year ago I lost my dad unexpectedly. He was only 53 years old and I never intended for him to die when I dropped him off at the hospital the day before. You see the surgery was just to go in and clean up the infection that was still in his body from his first surgery 3 weeks prior. I could tell driving my dad over to the hospital that he was nervous, but he was not feeling well, and just wanted to feel better quickly. As I reassured him that he would be fine, I got him checked in and went home to take care of my children.
He went into surgery around 9 the next morning, as we waited and waited, a two hour surgery turned into a 7.5 hour surgery. When the doctor came out to tell me that my dad was not out of the woods and that he would have a long way to go. I cried and pleaded with God to not take my dad! I made many promises to the Lord, sort of like deals with God. As I called my brother to tell him to come down from PA, crying in the hospital waiting room. My brother said he was going to finish up work and leave. As I packed up my children at 7pm to go home for baths and bedtime, I was upset leaving my dad at the hospital. Around 9 I received a phone call from the nurse to tell me that my dad was doing well! My brother arrived at midnight. We went to bed exhausted!
Around 3 am my cell phone was ringing.....never a good sign! As I made my husband answer it, because I was too scared! He heard the news we were dreading...my dad had passed away. As I walked downstairs to where my brother lay asleep, I woke him up with the sad news.
We got dressed and went to the hospital to see my dad's body. That was a really hard thing to do, I felt like I was going to pass out as well as throw up all over the place. But when I walked into his room, there was a strange peace that hovered our room. It wasn't the way my dad looked because he really did not look that well, but it was a calming over my body.
Maybe I was in shock, or disbelief that just a few short hours earlier the nurse had phoned and said he was doing well.
As we planned for my dad's funeral, I was making decisions that I never thought I would be doing at 33. But I still felt the presences of the Lord with me and a calmness that I could muster up the courage to make those plans.
He's memorial service was held on May 1st, 2010.
Father's Day 2010 was a hard one for me. I cried all weekend! As I sat on my deck crying, this little tiny yellow butterfly landed on the arm of my chair. Now, if you know me, I do not like bugs of any kind. So instead of standing up and walking away, I just sat there and watched it. It stayed for about 5 minutes. So about a week later, as I was driving, I was crying again and came to a stop light, as I am sitting there waiting for the light to turn green a yellow butterfly flies across my windshield. I started seeing yellow butterflies every time I was upset that following month. When I went to visit my mother, she has a beautiful water fall in her backyard. As I was pointing out what flowers I loved that she planted around the waterfall, I noticed there was a yellow butterfly sitting on the flowers I was describing. So it hit me, I told my family that I think my dad came back as a yellow butterfly.........
Just kidding..... I do not believe in reincarnation. But what I was seeing was God reassuring me that I was going to be okay and that my dad was okay. That I needed to know that God was in total control of the situation and this was HIS plan for my dad's life. April 29, 2010 was my dad's day to come home to his final resting place with his heavenly father.
So, fast forward exactly 5 months, and I receive the news that my brother, who was 33, committed suicide. How I really questioned why? Domenic and I just buried our father and had to make all those difficult decisions and we were so very sad. I could not understand why he did this to me or to my mom. But what we did not understand was that he was very ill mentally and I believe my dad's death just really put him over the edge.
While we were at my brother's grave site for his funeral there was a yellow butterfly sitting on his casket the entire time of the funeral. Again, God telling me to trust Him, He was going to take care of me and pull me through this. As we were leaving the grave and driving away, there were two yellow butterflies that pass our windshield and with that I knew my brother had found peace!
This does not help make these loses any easier, it just gives me the reassurance that when I see a yellow butterfly that God is in control and He is just telling me to rely on Him for peace. You see God used something so small and tender and something that I do not like to be around, something I am scared of and run from to present Himself to me to let me know that He is present in my misery. So when I see a yellow butterfly now, I am reassured that my God loves me and is with me at all times, I just have to be still and notice His presence.
I really miss my dad and brother, I feel my family was cut in half, but I have learned from them and celebrate their lives for what they contributed to my life. My brother left behind a sweet little girl who I adore and my dad instilled in me a new way to look at those around me, instead of judging them for the looks or actions, rather see where I can help them or love them. For that I am grateful that I was part of their family!
Domenic A. Forlano, Sr. 1956-2010
Domenic A. Forlano, Jr. 1977 - 2010
"The Lord will watch over your coming and going both
now and forevermore"
Psalm 121:8
