WEARING MY BIG GIRL PANTIES!

I first must say I took myself off of sugar starting Valentine's Day, not a smart time to do so, I might add. Well, the kids received their Valentine's package from Todd's grandmother. Inside the package was a little box of Russell Stover chocolates. They were staring at me ALL week!!!

So finally on Friday I treated myself to one chocolate with caramel inside! I figured I deserved it for my well behavior all week. So as I was eating this little treat I felt something hard while I was chewing. I opened my mouth to spit out the chocolate and discovered my metal filling. I immediately threw the chocolate away and started stressing about my tooth.
You see, I am PETRIFIED of the dentist! I have had so many bad experiences at that dentist, that it would take too long to explain. So now, I knew I had to go! I first called my stepdad to get an antibiotic for any infection I might have or incur while missing this filling! I couldn't get in with the dentist until Tuesday.

So my appointment time was 3 and I was on my own! Can I just say I hate the way dentist office smell, it makes me sick to my stomach. So I am sitting there filling out by book of paper work and they call me back. As I am walking back I start to choke up! I get seated in the chair and the nurse can tell I am nervous, because she asked if I always sit on my hands.

She takes the pictures and I see the mess of my tooth on a computer screen right before my eyes. I again feel sick! All I hear is the guy next me on the other side of the small wall getting drilled on! That sound is AWFUL!
The dentist I chose is quite a drive for me, but we know him through our children's dentist, who we are friends with. My dentist was Fred Flintstone at our friend's halloween party! So he comes in a of course looks totally different than what I remember him looking like!

He told me that he would try to replace the filling, but didn't know if I need a route canal. He went ahead an numbed me and left the room. As I am sitting there I start freaking out.... I mean really going crazy with my thoughts and fears. Finally, I just said to myself "YOU ARE GONNA GET A GRIP AND PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DO THIS". You see I had no choice, I had to get it fixed. Freaking out was not helping, it was only making it worse. So I prayed and asked God to calm me down.

I took and deep breath and he came back in the room and started to work on my filling. He said that I conveniently did the majority of the work for him by losing the filling. He filled it and the procedure was down in 15 minutes.

You see I stressed all weekend and a lot that day on Tuesday about going and when it came right down to it, it wasn't as bad as I envisioned it to be. I knew it needed to be fixed yet wrestled with wanting and having to have it taken care of.

Finally, with all behind me, I realize God saying to me, once again, I told you to trust and believe that I would take care of this, even the smallest thing as a tooth. How often do I know I need to fix something but put it off because of it hard to do.....when in reality when I fix it or just complete the task, it feels so much better.

And that is one more way of conquering my fears..........with my big girl panties on!

SERVING OTHERS

I have no problem serving others in my life. Where my problem lies is going out of my bubble and serving those in a rougher community. You see its not the people I am scared of, it's having to drive in that part of town and worrying if I will be safe. You see it's so easy to serve in my comfort zone, like my church or my neighborhood, but you take me out of that and I start getting a funny feeling in my stomach.

Since, I have started this blog and I have purposely tried to find ways or things out of my "comfort zone" to do. Todd and I have been trying to teach our children how fortunate they are to have a home and food on the table, I felt they were not getting it. So with that I called my friend Pam who serves at the Freedom House, a homeless shelter, every month. She said there was room for our family to come down and serve them dinner. So I made some rice krispie treats for the people and off we went.

As we arrived, I started feeling nervous about what we would see and how the people would respond to us. We pulled up in a rough part of town and waited at their back door for them to let us in. As we were heading up the stairs, the people were lined up the stairs so happy to see us. I almost started crying right when I got there.
Our family and other families there served them dinner and then went and sat and talked with them. My children went on their own to their tables and sat down and held conversations with these people. I was fighting tears, all the while knowing the people were loving interacting with them.

I noticed a lady sitting alone, so I got up the nerve to go sit and talk with her. I couldn't hide behind my kids or my husband, it was just me and her. She was a sweet lady who had a wonderful job and when the economy collapsed she lost her job and everything else that went with it. She was depressed and lonely and I sat there and shared my heart and story with her and let her know that we had a lot more in common than she could imagine. She loves the Lord and so do I and we just started encouraging one another. Women encouraging women, even from totally different walks of life. You see it didn't matter, we just bonded over our trials big and small.

I didn't want the night to end. Our children loved it, we loved it, and can't wait to return next month. By being there, I saw so many familiar situations that are in my community, just different faces. What sweet sweet people, and I think I got a glimpse of what heaven will be like, having all our "bubbles" collide to create something beautiful!

Check out 21 Day Challenge

Check out 21 Day Challenge

HAPPY HEART DAY!

Here are some of the things that I love.......
*date nights with my man
*chats and shopping with Madde
*snuggle time with Harrison
*coffee right when I wake up
*a good book and my new Kindle
*have I mentioned Chipotle?
*my neighbors....
*my friends, the comfy ones and ones that will become comfy...
*my red frye boots
*purses in the past I would "COACH" now I would definitely choose 31 ;)
*unsweetened tea with lots and lots of lemon!
*peanut butter and chocolate together, yum!
*finding a bible verse that jumps out at me and sticks with me for a week or so....
*a good pedicure
*target....I always tell Todd when I die, just put me in a shopping cart and wheel me around one last time.
*watching people be blessed.....I cry every time!

And here are some the things l am learning to love.....
*exercise...need I say more
*eating properly
*coffee without sugar.....
*not eating at Chipotle 3 times in one week
*making dinner every night.....
*keeping up with my laundry
*hour long cycle classes...
*in all the "hurriedness" of life stopping for a minute to breath and reassess..

"Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil, hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle." Romans 12:9-10 (the Message)

LETTING GO....

As Madde is getting older, it is seriously getting harder to let go of her. She wants to go and do things and I know that this is normal for her age and I did these same things at my age but I worry that something will happen to her. I feel my "first born" is truly my guinea pig. I have tested her out on different things and if I mess up I know to do it differently with Harrison.
Madde is EVERYTHING I am not. She is daring and willing to go anywhere, and doesn't even care if she has a friend going or not. I have to have all my ducks in a row and friends lined up in order to go anywhere! I am proud of her adventurous spirit and sometimes envy it a little. For instance, this past summer, she just came out of 5th grade and immediately wanted to go to the Middle School Camp with our church. She knew NO ONE! I was so worried for her, but she jumped off the bus a week later all smiles!

As she is growing, it has been a challenge at times to steer her innocence in the right direction. She had her first school dance and while I knew in my mind that the boys would be on one side of the room while the girls were on the other, I still prayed that she would not notice the girls and boys that weren't on their opposite sides of the room.
As she laid out her outfit the week prior to the dance, she was all smiles heading out, let's just say dad was not feeling the same way letting her go....

As parents there is no manual to guide and protect your children, you do by trial and error and pray that you are not messing up too badly. What I worry and pray about sometimes never comes about in her life, yet other things arise that I didn't even think of. I want to point her constantly in the right direction, yet feel sometimes I mess up big with her by my attitude or reactions to her. That's when I am reminded of God's grace and guidance with me....and I breathe a sigh of relief!
There are so many things I want for my daughter, but more importantly while I am letting her go, I want her to love Jesus and be HIS girl!

LOVE LIKE IT'S ALL THAT WE KNOW!

While Madde was cleaning her room today, she was listening to music and this song from Selena Gomez came on. I stopped what I was doing and listened. I love the lines "Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like it's all that we know." You see I have been reading for two months now the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I normally do not take 2 months to read a book, but I have had to keep going back and reread the chapters over. There is so much to take in, that I have to pause in between chapters to let it soak in.

Here is what has left me thinking all weekend while reading this book. Francis writes.....
"But Paul writes that even if "I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing" (1 Cor. 13:2-3) Wow. Those are strong and unmistakable words. According to God, we are here to love. Not much else really matters. So God assesses our lives based on how we love."

I can easily love my family and friends, but it is so hard to love strangers or people that are against me. I can walk by someone in a store and feel sorry for them and that is as far as it goes. I pray for those people that do not like me but I can't say I show them "love" that is a hard one. Or my heart might be in the right place, but my fear won't allow me to approach them to talk to them or help them.

Here is what God says love is...

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends....faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

Well, after reading those verses, I can't even say I love my family and friends like I really should. I keep reminding myself each day that tomorrow is never promised and I must do my very best today, but life gets in the way and things get hard and some days get out of control. But I love that HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EACH MORNING and when I wake up I get to start over.

So now I look at LOVE a little different these days! But what if we truly loved each other the way God intended us to? This world would be a much nicer place to dewell. In realizing that I don't get a "do over" of the previous day, I do get another day to "do better" and love others the way I really should.

So, if you haven't read Crazy Love by Francis Chan, I highly recommend it!

FABULOUS FRIDAYS!

Here are my blessings for this week!
- Going into the gym on Monday morning was hard, knowing that at the same time Rebecca was pulling out of town with her big moving truck and family. When I got there I went to my friend Shelle's cycle class and as I stood outside waiting for it to start, my sweet and encouraging friend Sally walks up! God knew I needed her that morning to just be there! I bike 19 miles and did not pass out!

My sweet Father-in-Law! He was working in Northern Virginia at a job and Todd has been struggling to figure out our sink problem for 3 days and my Father-in-Law, just said I'll be there in a couple of hours. He came and fixed it and had dinner with us, it is always nice having time with him.

This week has felt like I have been struggling to get my business up and running and then I had sweet family and friends that are willing to help me no matter what. I booked more shows and friends from out of town wanting to help with catalog shows! I had one friend send an email to all of her friends telling about my business. Wow! I am blessed and I know God will continue to bless!
And last but certainly not least.....

My sweet man! He continues to bless me! Since I have been having some off days, he has helped more around the house with the kids and just taking care of me! Todd is so nurturing to me and helping me get out of this rut, without rushing me, just waiting patiently! I even get a FREE date night with him tonight! Madde has youth group and Harrison is going to a sleepover, so a client of Todd's gave him $150 to Ruth Chris (which I have never been), so we are off! I'm so excited!
I love to focus more on my blessings than what is lost, I feel it helps me appreciate what I do have and live a little differently.